webshit weekly

An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the first week of December, 2019.

PIA VPN to be acquired by malware company founded by former Israeli spy
December 01, 2019 (comments)
An Internet warns us that our network security vendor is at risk of being turned into a profitable business. The VPN provider named in the article arrives in the comments and is immediately subject to dozens of lectures about ethics from Hackernews. The central thrust of the lectures is the unacceptability of running a business centered around advertising and user tracking. The fact that advertising and user tracking is all of Hackernews' day jobs is not mentioned.

December 02, 2019 (comments)
Hackernews notices a website from 2017, because it was updated to add one line. No new information is discussed.

Sundar will be the CEO of both Google and Alphabet
December 03, 2019 (comments)
Google takes a few steps towards admitting their byzantine corporate structure is irrelevant. Hackernews tries to get to the bottom of What It All Means, and they focus on the most important facet of that investigation: what will Larry Page and Sergey Brin do now? The obvious answer, "it doesn't matter," is disregarded. The rest of the comments are people trying to convince each other how important Google executives are to us on a personal level and why we should track and emulate their every move.

Fight back against Google AMP (2018)
December 04, 2019 (comments)
A webshit who gets paid to ratfuck Google's search results is angry that Google is taking over the entire web. Hackernews is torn: some are glad that there is finally a way to quickly display static content, which the web has never been able to do before, while the others are angry that Google doesn't seem to give a shit about anything but Google. The rest of the comments are reverse-engineering possible ways to get similar page-loading speeds, but no consensus is reached. The publishers of N-Gate are investigating switching the content entirely to AMP in order to mitigate the miserably plodding pace of page loads on this site.

How to fight back against Google AMP as a web user and a web developer
December 05, 2019 (comments)
Another webshit posts a "Hacker" "News" comment on a different website, where it's possible to add advertising links. No new information is presented. Hackernews continues the bickering from the previous day, with a noticeable increase in astroturfing from the "Google is here to protect us from ourselves" camp.

The Great Cannon has been deployed again
December 06, 2019 (comments)
AT&T chooses to use the passive voice, because they are cowards. A more accurate headline is "The Chinese government attacks websites which support a free Hong Kong," but a better headline would include some information regarding the Chinese government being comprised of despicable filth. Hackernews catalogues technical solutions to societal problems, then hunkers down to discuss the really important question: do people deserve to use the internet? Lots of whining about web protocols follows, with nobody pointing out the obvious solution here: the Chinese government must be overthrown. This would also solve several other ongoing problems, save thousands of innocent lives per year, and provide the opportunity for the Chinese people to select a less ridiculous national anthem.

The Lesson to Unlearn
December 07, 2019 (comments)
Notably useless asshole Paul Graham whines about school testing, then relates a story in which Paul Graham turned out to be even smarter than Paul Graham thought Paul Graham was, which was extremely smart to begin with. Hackernews catalogues all the times they were almost as smart as Paul Graham. There is no content in either the article or the comments about the article. After a while even Hackernews gets bored, and starts trading Facebook interview tips. Paul Graham.