webshit weekly (2017/04/21)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the third week of April, 2017.
Nobody mentioned Rust this week. FEMA advises all internet users to remain calm and seek shelter if municipal typecheckers fail.
April 15, 2017 (comments)
An internet notices that a library bypasses security measures, then notifies a company and the library's vendor. The company explicitly states they do not give a shit about security measures because they are hard and everything will probably be fine. The vendors of the library, Google, respond by instructing the reporter to bypass other security measures*. Both organizations defend their bullshit on Hackernews. Hackernews accepts the bullshit.
April 16, 2017 (comments)
An internet writes sixteen thousand words without meaningfully expanding on the headline. Hackernews believes that mediocrity is preferable. In addition, all of the problems their kids have, as well as all of the problems they had when they were kids, are your fault. Some Hackernews debate whether it's even worth the effort of being good at something, since AI and robots will take all the jobs next week.
April 17, 2017 (comments)
A rich guy makes a webshit about money. Hackernews lists similar webshits about money, then launches into the usual posting-flood of misunderstanding tax law, governance-from-first-principles, and bad economic theory.
April 18, 2017 (comments)
This is the webshit from the previous day's rich guy, because Hackernews wasn't done misunderstanding everything. Now that they've got some hard data to ignore, they have another shitfest of lies, confusion, and using the word "generally" to mean "in the cases I have noticed." One Hackernews wonders what the big deal is with the Constitution. Someone shows up to compare it to software.
April 19, 2017 (comments)
Google, an advertising agency, sets about blocking content from competing advertising agencies. Some Hackernews think that maybe Google's motives are a little selfish here, but by and large Hackernews is incapable of thinking negative thoughts about Google. Other Hackernews suggest using software that Google didn't make, such as software that Apple made. The end result: everyone agrees it's going to be great.
April 20, 2017 (comments)
A Hackernews posts a link to a scanned copy of a math book. Hackernews compiles the usual list of not-particularly-relevant "see also" URLs. One Hackernews points out that there's a very nicely prepared copy of the book available, both in source code and typeset forms, but that is derided. The scanned copy of course has brighter highs and a better soundstage in the mids, without confusing or dry bass timbres or ruining the pace, rhythm, and timing of the original master. The rest of the comments are people demanding to know why nobody showed them this specific book before someone showed them this specific book, and ignoring any answers to such a stupid question.
April 21, 2017 (comments)
An internet posts about bank security to his blog. Hackernews demands an ombudsman to handle computer security problem reports, suggests several organizations that exist for exactly this purpose, and determines that they're all doing it wrong. Several Hackernews come forward to report they entrust similarly incompetent banks with their money, but everyone is too cowardly to name any. The rest of the comments are people speculating about contract law.
* - Imagine that. Vendor-related problems with Go. For a change, this one couldn't have been trivially solved with plain old package management.
webshit weekly (2017/04/14)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second week of April, 2017.
April 08, 2017 (comments)
Some internets upload software to github. Hackernews links to a celebrity's tweet about it, which is just as well since nobody on Hackernews is qualified to analyze the software. Instead, they attempt to reverse-engineer the meaningless blog post that accompanied the software. They're not qualified to do that, either.
April 09, 2017 (comments)
April 10, 2017 (comments)
Climate scientists continue to panic. Hackernews vomits forth hundreds of thousands of kilobytes of useless, uninformed bickering. Nothing of value is posted, but the shit proceeds to flow until every last URL is mined from the references sections of all relevant Wikipedia articles.
April 11, 2017 (comments)
April 12, 2017 (comments)
Google updates their browser to optionally eliminate the pesky "user" part of the browsing experience. Hackernews kindles a pyre for the ten thousand half-assed github projects they've been using for this purpose, eager to give Google as much control over their businesses as possible.
April 13, 2017 (comments)
Some webshits jerk off over the cleverness of their multiplayer painting program. Hackernews debates whether this tremendous waste of effort warrants an erection.
April 14, 2017 (comments)
Someone writes an "intro to algorithms" textbook aimed at undergraduates. Hackernews is excited to see another huge list of shit they can memorize for their next opportunity to perform like trained monkeys during the degrading hiring rituals they all profess to hate. A few Hackernews begin to suspect they are being paid far less than their cohorts. Most decide to argue about the definition of "competition," despite the article's explicit explanation of the intended meaning.
webshit weekly (2017/04/07)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the first week of April, 2017.
April 01, 2017 (comments)
Hackernews reads an article explaining one of the ways Japanese rail employees enforce a specific process. Hackernews can relate, since they use similar practices to medicate themselves, feed themselves, carry things, and blog. The few comments exploring the idea of process improvements in programming mostly revolve around copying and pasting lists, or shilling phone apps to copy and paste lists for you.
April 02, 2017 (comments)
An internet buys a domain to host one page of minimally-informative content, the ignorance of which should preclude anyone from pretending to be involved with the information technology sector. Hackernews divides into four groups: those who have exerted a large amount of energy reinventing the wheel, those who exert a large amount of energy explaining wheel technology to people who are not really interested, those who exert a large amount of energy defending inappropriate deployment of wheels, and (the majority of Hackernews) those who believe that the compiler they use is a natural law... and then set about exerting a large amount of energy proclaiming that all wheels must be modified to resemble those handed down by the tribal elders.
April 03, 2017 (comments)
A financial website documents Tesla's overvaluation, while explicitly noting that Tesla cannot compete with real automakers in any sense. The company's valuation is recognized to be so high purely because Elon Musk is our lord and savior. Large swaths of Hackernews understand that Tesla is not even close to being the same real value as Ford, but are unable to make an impact on the thundering hordes of Muskovites convinced that Tesla will save them with solar-powered self-driving cars, with no reasonable defense of the theory besides "I want it to happen."
April 04, 2017 (comments)
An academic is given money as a reward for inventing things that share names with the individual bricks of waste that comprise the modern web, even though he's spent the remainder of his career attempting to undo the horrible garbage pipeline set up to feed the resulting trash fire. Hackernews argues about why Facebook doesn't have RSS feeds, the proper way to address theoretical members of the peerage, the historic inevitability of Das Spinnennetzreich, the impossibility of improvement on the current state of practice, and Tim Berners-Lee's ass heat.
April 05, 2017 (comments)
An internet posts a C programming tutorial, in which the reader is taught how to build a toy text editor for unix. Hackernews trades examples of favorite toy text editors and favorite toy programming languages. A particularly haunting comment is posted by one Hackernews: a Haskell program that translates C to Rust, which gives us a brief peek into the grotesque Godless painscape where the Rust Evangelism Strike Force plans its webshit-brigading operations.
April 06, 2017 (comments)
April 07, 2017 (comments)
Some lawyers retire the tradition of lying to recruiters about how much money you used to make. Hackernews, all of whom live in the same ten-mile radius as their entire employment market in the midst of a massive tech bubble, cannot figure out what the big deal is.