webshit weekly

An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second week of February, 2019.

PostgreSQL used fsync incorrectly for 20 years
February 08, 2019 (comments)
The headline is inaccurate; PostgreSQL still uses fsync incorrectly. Hackernews recounts all the times the PostgreSQL development team has rejected simple fixes for this and other bugs. Other Hackernews debate whether the filesystem should lie to the userspace applications, the kernel, both, or neither. Most of the comments, of course, are Hackernews incorrecting each other with how filesystems work at all, complete with shitty ASCII diagrams.

Google terminated our business via our Google Play Developer Account
February 09, 2019 (comments)
Google shitcans some moron's shovelware, then reneges after mild social media attention. Hackernews speculates on the incentives that might cause a moron to nail their flag to someone else's mast, then spends a few hours armchair-lawyering the Google terms and conditions. The core question of the day, however, is just how the hell anyone is supposed to survive if they can't use AdSense?

On Being a Principal Engineer
February 10, 2019 (comments)
A programmer at a spamhouse is transported to a world where people are not judged by the color scheme of their Atom window, but by the character assessment and culture fit reports they write about potential new hires. Hackernews spends a lot of time discussing how to bullshit people like the author into hiring them. A few Hackernews struggle with the knowledge that there are people who contribute to business without involving Git. Furious debates about "title inflation" break out amongst people who type javascript into computers and straight-facedly refer to themselves as "engineers".

Google Docs gets an API for task automation
February 11, 2019 (comments)
Google places yet another football for Charlie Brown to kick. The press release authors could not think of any reason for anyone to give a shit, so they namedrop fashionable Valley companies instead. Hackernews enjoys similar tools for making end runs around their coworkers. The rest of the comments are priest-led Praising of the Holy Google, followed by the ritual bitching about identically bug-ridden webshit from non-Google providers.

SQL: One of the most valuable skills
February 12, 2019 (comments)
A database administrator thinks that database shit is the most important shit. Hackernews completely agrees, and breathlessly extolls the wonders of technology designed to enable people to access information. The original article is nearly content-free, so Hackernews pitches in by arguing about which fundamental mathematical theory obviously underpins SQL. Here and there, random Hackernews pair off to have brief Big-Data-related pissing matches.

Why can’t a bot tick the 'I'm not a robot' box?
February 13, 2019 (comments)
A simple question results in The Gospel According to Some Dipshit, illustrating to the Philistines the wisdom and divinity of the Lord your Google. Hackernews upvotes the shit out of this testament, even though one of the other answers was written by the creator of the fucking technology being described. The Anointed Answer is sufficiently nontechnical that Hackernews comes streaming out of the walls and forms two ranks: those who love and fear the Lord their Google, and those who are annoyed by how shitty CAPTCHAs are. The battle is without end.

Amazon Pulls Out of Planned New York City Campus
February 14, 2019 (comments)
Amazon does not build a building. Amazon frequently does not build buildings, but now it is news, because Amazon said it was going to build a building this time. Hackernews totally saw this coming, and is perfectly willing to explain their reasoning, which is totally unassailable and directly in conflict with their previous analysis from back when Amazon said they would build a building.